Have you ever wondered why you have become a negative person, even though you do things the right way?
The most annoying and disturbing thing that kids or adults may face is dealing with toxic parenting.
We all have the chance to change our possessions, but we must admit that we cannot change our parents.
Toxic parents may not feel their toxicity because, in most cases, they feel it is normal to be like that, like following a parenting style such as helicopter parenting style or authoritarian parenting style
Parents in these styles are dictators who refuse to listen to or discuss anything with their kids.
Toxic parents may not have problems with their kids, but they may have problems with each other, so they spread their toxicity and negativity all over the house.
In this article, we will discuss the following:
Who are toxic parents?
Parents are normal humans, which means they were born with no toxicity, but they have earned it through an unpleasant childhood or difficult life circumstances.
Toxic parents will never admit their bad behavior in parenting, as I said earlier, because they may think it is OK to shout at their kids or punish them severely.
Dealing with toxic parents can be difficult because they do not like to show or share their emotions with family members.
Check out this video if you think you have a toxic parent
Why do parents develop toxic parenting style?
Kids may have a toxic relationship with parents for many reasons, including:
Life circumstances
Our lives become harder as we age more and more. Parents should be able to earn enough money to spend on their kids.
With the current wave of inflation and the suffering of the COVID-19 consequences, many parents have lost their jobs, so all these hardships will have a negative effect and cause stress on many parents.
Addiction
If one of the parents is addicted, then kids will be treated with toxicity by that parent, which can lead to depression, self-harm, and domestic violence.
Refusing to take responsibility
There are a lot of people around us who do not like to be responsible for other people, and that is because of laziness, fear of failure, or not feeling ready yet.
So, that leads to stress for the parent, which leads to developing a toxic attitude towards the kids.
They seek perfection.
Dealing with toxic parents can be hard sometimes because they want everything around them to be perfect as they have planned.
No matter what you do or how hard you work, your parents will always see and focus on the imperfections in your life.
Signs of toxic parents
When kids are in a toxic relationship with parents, they may encounter many signs, like:
Do not show interest in their kids’ needs.
A toxic parent will ignore your simple requests, like not going out and having some fun on holidays, and will not buy you a present on your birthday, etc.
Show no respect.
Dealing with toxic parents can be embarrassing and difficult in public areas because they are okay with humiliating and making fun of you in public when they talk with their friends in front of you.
No privacy with toxic parents
These parents will show no respect for your privacy, as they will enter your room without knocking, or they may take a look at your phone without asking.
They always criticize you.
It is okay for someone to make constructive criticism of you because they want you to be better, but a toxic parent will not.
These parents will always criticize their kids when they do things without saying how to do them in the right way.
They ask you to be perfect.
If you get a 99% score on an exam, they will ask you about the remaining 1% of the score, and they will not give you a chance to be happy with the results of your hard work.
They do not like your achievements.
One of the traits of toxic parents is that they will not feel happy about your achievements in general, and they will compare you with other people around you, like saying:
“Your cousin has done better than that.”
That will make you jealous of these people, and you may hate them for no reason.
They always blame you for the smallest things.
If you put a glass somewhere and one of your toxic parents breaks it accidentally, then they will blame you for putting it in that place, even if it is not your fault.
So, expect blaming for things you have not done.
Toxic parents are strict parents.
These parents will not let you have a chance to decide your fate; they will choose your friends and a sport to practice, and they may even choose your college.
This kind of parent normally follows an authoritarian parenting style.
They do not like each other.
One of the traits of toxic parents that I hate is when they do not love each other.
Parents may not be toxic with their kids, but they may be toxic with each other, like fighting over silly things or mocking each other in front of their kids.
Kids in this situation will be affected emotionally and will hate the relationship with the other sex because they think their parents’ relationship is the normal thing for any other couple, and this is not true of course.
Effects of toxic parenting on kids:
Dealing with toxic parents can have many negative effects, both mentally and physically, like:
Feeling disappointment.
When your parents show no interest in your needs, this can have a direct effect on your behavior because your parents are supposed to be your first friends, and when they ignore your needs, you will have difficulties sharing them with other people around you.
Lack of self-confidence
Treating you with disrespect in front of other people will lead to a lack of self-confidence because you may think that there is something wrong with your body, look, or behavior.
Excessive anger.
As we said above, toxic parents do not care about your privacy, and that can lead to anger because you feel violated, which will have many physical consequences like weakening the immune system, high blood pressure, and much more.
Depression
Being vulnerable to continuous toxicity can increase your sadness while showing no interest in your favorite activities anymore.
Read the full article about depression from the World Health Organization.
Change in your physical appearance.
Toxicity can affect how you look drastically because you may eat a lot to enhance your mood, which can lead to obesity.
Or, you can look older than your friends who are the same age as you because you are stressed for a lot of time.
Check out this interesting discussion on Quora about looking older.
How to deal with toxic parents?
I need you to remember that it is not your fault to have toxic parents, but I need you to consider it a challenge, and you must win it.
Setting boundaries with toxic parents
This can be a tough choice when you deal with toxic people around you but try to protect yourself by making strict rules when you try to deal with your parents, and at the same time, ask your aunt or uncle to reason with your parents if you can’t.
Avoid getting into conflicts with your toxic parents.
Ignoring your parents’ behavior may help you deal with them because this relationship may not improve over time. Try to have an official relationship with them to avoid unnecessary fights.
Stop trying to explain yourself.
Some parents think that it is disrespectful for their kids to convince them with their opinions, so stop doing that because you are wrong from their point of view and that will only cause you a headache.
Accept your parents as they are.
Accepting your toxic parents is a fine solution because your parents think that there is nothing wrong with their attitude toward you.
Doing that will lower the psychological burden you feel.
Workout.
I need you to workout regularly because that will help you gain self-confidence and happiness, and that will help you reduce the stress you feel when you deal with your parents.
And finally
As soon as you know how to deal with your toxic parent traits, you will feel more satisfied, because I need you to know that the normal relationship between parents and their kids is filled with love, mercy, and support.
Live your life the way you want, look for a good life partner, and when you have kids, make them live the life you couldn’t have by being a great and loving parent.