It is common for children or adults to live a happy and fun life with their parents, but it could be an annoying and disturbing problem if they live with a dominating mom.
In this case, a controlling mother will justify her attitude because she thinks that being too involved in her kids’ lives will protect them and make them better.
In this article, we will cover everything you need to know about a dominating mommy in the following table of contents:
Why does a mom become dominant?
Effects of a dominating mom on her children
How to deal with a controlling mother?
What is the parenting style of a controlling mother?
Why does a mom become dominant?
Being born to controlling parents.
If a girl has been born to controlling parents and has gotten used to this kind of parenting throughout her life with them, then her unconscious mind will store this behavior.
When this very girl grows up and becomes a mom, her mind will let her feel that it is okay for her to repeat the same behavior with her kids, and eventually, she will become a dominating mommy.
No previous parenting experience
Some moms, especially new ones in parenting, think it is okay to always give instructions and orders to the kids because they believe it is their role to guide and advise the children because they do not have any experience dealing with problems or life in general.
This behavior is acceptable until kids become adults, but exaggerating, interfering, and directing the kids will have negative effects, like giving them a weak personality.
She wants to protect her kids.
Maternal instincts exist in all moms around us, including protecting the kids from possible disappointments.
A dominant mommy will choose the friends of her kids, a certain activity to practice, or solve any problem that may face the children without letting them try to solve these issues on their own.
Losing control.
A mom will be dominating when she feels not appreciated or respected by her little children, so she will start enforcing her rules and her controlling behavior to get things back on track, and this behavior may be temporary or permanent.
Signs of a dominating mommy
Her love will be conditional.
One of the bad things that a controlling mother does is that she will not try to fulfill your simple wishes unless you are totally obedient to her.
In this kind of relationship, you must give to take, and this is wrong because family members should love and support each other unconditionally.
She does not trust your choices.
As we have discussed before, it is okay for a mom to give rules and directions to her kids because they have no experience, but some moms will not stop doing that when kids grow up because they feel better when they are in control and they have a belief that their grown-up kids are still young.
No privacy with a dominating mommy
A controlling mother will violate your privacy because she likes to know everything you do, like spying on your chats with friends or entering your room without knocking.
She will control your possessions.
This mom will like to control things you have, like not giving you permission to spend your own money on things you like because she believes it is a waste of money.
She is in a bad relationship with her partner.
When a mom has a poor relationship with her life partner, it will make her feel stressed and emotionally exhausted, and as a result, she will turn to her kids and start scolding, giving rules, or even punishing them for silly things.
Effects of a dominating mom on her children
Surprisingly, there are positive and negative effects on the children when they deal with a dominating mom.
Positive effects are like:
- A dominant mommy will make sure her kids achieve high academic grades.
- A mom will protect her kids from bullying.
- They will care about the physical condition of their kids.
Negative effects include:
- Anxiety
- Low self-confidence
- Low self-esteem
- A fragile personality
- Kids will hate the relationship with their dominating mommy.
- Feeling depressed.
- Kids may have an antisocial personality.
How to deal with a controlling mother?
Accept your mother.
We are not perfect, and if we care about someone, we need to accept them despite their flaws. Acceptance will relieve some of the stress you feel whenever you deal with your mom.
Be a sweet talker.
A mom is just like any other woman; she loves sweet words and compliments, so doing this will make the relationship between you two improve tremendously.
Do not do what she says exactly.
Letting your mom feel in control is a smart way because listening to her carefully without objecting to her and pretending to do what she wants will make her trust you.
Moms only care about how you react toward her orders, so if you behave and pretend to obey her, then you will be the smartest one on the planet.
Get professional help if needed.
Some adults do not really know how to deal with a dominant mommy, no matter what they do, and this can harm them mentally, so they go to therapy sessions.
Let a close family member interfere.
If your controlling mom is trying to force you to do something that is not accepted by you at all, then it is okay to let someone close to your mother interfere, like your aunt, uncle, or grandparent.
What is the parenting style of a controlling mother?
As you know, there are many parenting styles, but there are some common styles in which parents are controlling, like:
- Authoritarian parenting style.
- Helicopter style.
- Tiger parenting style
Parents in these styles are dominating and love to force their children to do what they want without considering their kids’ opinions at all.
Are overbearing parents toxic?
You cannot really say that your parents are toxic because they have controlling behaviors.
We also need to differentiate between normal and abnormal control because moderate control is healthy when moms have young kids who are vulnerable to many dangers in this technological era, especially social media.
As children grow up, moms need to make sure that they are responsible for their actions and are able to make decisions on their own.
On the contrary, parents will be toxic when they do not give their children any chance at all to decide anything, and this controlling attitude may lead to some serious outcomes, like self-harm.
Should I have a dominant mommy?
The simple answer is yes and no.
Yes, when kids are raising suspicion.
No, when everything seems normal.
As we have said before, parents should guide their kids when they are young and should set them free when they take responsibility.
Bad behavior should not be tolerated from a young age, so parents have to interfere and discipline their kids.
I recently read a post about some parents discussing whether they should know what their kids are doing on their phones. I will mention two opposing opinions, and you will understand the confusion.
A 35-year-old mom says, “I believe it comes under the duty of the parent to protect her kids; they are minors, and it just should be a normal check because it is your right to protect them from predators, and it is our duty to guide and teach them.”
A 33-year-old mom says, “I think it is weird. I know some people who make it a requirement to go through their kids’ phones. While I understand the concern, it is something I, as a mom, would not do, and yes, I am a mom. What I do with them is express my concerns honestly, and they appreciate this.”