How many times have you suffered from your critical parents’ attitude?
If you are forced to be perfect and to multi-task by your parents without them considering your true wishes or needs, then you might be dealing with a critical parent.
Shaming, yelling, blaming, and neglecting are all types of discipline used by these parents.
Today, we are talking to kids who suffer from their parents and to parents who are willing to make actual changes in their critical behavior.
In this post, we will discuss:
What is critical parenting?
It is one of the parenting practices in which parents thirst for their kids’ success in all situations without considering their actual needs.
Critical parents are perfectionists and try to make their children perfect just like them because they always see the glass half empty.
When their kid achieves something, they do not praise him, but they set new and more challenging goals because they want to have a super kid.
This parenting practice can be found in many parenting styles, like tiger, helicopter, and authoritarian parenting.
In these parenting styles, parents have low responsiveness but have high demandingness and expectations from their children.
7 signs of overly critical parents
Parents who practice critical parenting have many signs, such as:
Parents teach kids that competition is more important than cooperation.
Unfortunately, these parents only teach their kids to be the first ones in what they do, but in reality, this is not true at all.
There is no single entity in the world that is based on one person, but hard work and cooperation among all team members are essential to reaching goals.
They always make a recheck behind your back.
The problem with critical parents is that they not only want you to be perfect, but they also do not trust your abilities.
These parents will recheck what you do because they want to make sure that you have done things properly and perfectly, and if they find any flaws, they will criticize you.
They do not go easy on themselves.
A critical parent will push himself to the limit to give you a proper education and to facilitate all the difficulties you may face.
If you fail him or do not meet his perfect expectations, then expect criticism.
These critiques are like how he sacrifices his money and time just for you, or he may threaten you by asking to pay back the money he spent on you.
Whatever you do, it is not enough.
As your parents have high expectations of you, they will not celebrate or praise your success because your achievements seem ordinary to them.
This can be disappointing because you may envy your friends who have supportive parents.
They like to put you in a defensive position.
Overly critical parents like criticizing you every now and then to make you feel that they are in a powerful position and to make you feel weak or just their follower.
This behavior comes from toxic parents who do not care about the relationship with their kids.
Critical parents get affected by fake social media lives.
Social media has become a bad influence on parents and kids if they misuse it.
Parents can see how their friends or some influencers treat their kids and get affected by them because social media is user-generated content.
The bad thing about user-generated content is that anyone can say anything without having scientific knowledge, and new parents easily fall for that.
They go too far in criticizing if you do not resist.
Some parents, unfortunately, exaggerate in criticizing their kid if he does not resist or protest.
Showing your parents some courage will hopefully limit the criticism.
Effects of critical parents on kids
The effects could be different from one person to another, but we will share common effects, such as:
Feeling hesitated.
When parents push their kids in several directions at the same time, kids will not be able to focus on one single task.
Hesitation itself has negative effects, including missed opportunities, delayed decision-making, and a lack of assertiveness.
Kids waste a lot of time seeking perfection.
This is a common problem for those who seek perfection, as no one can be perfect.
Accepting flaws is a necessary step because seeking perfection leads to unrealistic expectations and unnecessary pressure.
Kids will be dissatisfied with their future.
Kids may not be happy if their parents choose their careers on their behalf, even if they are successful.
They may re-study what they really want, but all this wasted time of their lives is their parents’ fault, so why should anyone be critical at all?
Kids will want to select the perfect life partner.
If kids live along just fine with critical parenting, then they will be critical of whoever they fall in love with.
This can lead the kids to not be accepted by any life partner in the future.
Critical parenting makes children mentally abused.
Kids might be depressed or anxious because they fear their parents’ criticism, who do not want them to fail at all.
This negative mentality will lead to more negative effects like smoking, drinking, obesity, etc.
Unjustified fear of new things.
Sometimes, kids avoid doing new things they have not done before because they are afraid of not doing them perfectly, and they fear their parents’ criticism more than their own fear of failure.
How to deal with a critical parent?
Dealing with critical parenting practices can be challenging, so here are some tips to help you out:
Are you really a bad person?
When you feel swamped with negative critiques, isolate yourself and know the truth about yourself.
Get a paper, write down every critique you have listened to, and try to figure out why they keep criticizing you.
Do you do something bad that initiates these critiques, like responding to their answers harshly?
If you find out that you have a problem, work on it and change yourself.
If not, then the problem lies within them, and know that you are a good person with good intentions.
When you cannot decide who has the problem, ask a third party for answers.
Stop sharing your day with critical parents.
Critiques are a result of small details, and to avoid that, you should stop sharing your day with your parents.
When they ask about your day, give unspecific answers like “it was just fine.” Or “it was normal, nothing new.”
Be independent when you are ready.
If your parents are critical and have toxic behavior, then seek autonomy as soon as possible.
Leaving the house and living in a faraway place is a fine solution for the sake of your mental health.
Seek help.
Going to therapists is effective in helping you overcome these nervous situations, as they have professional techniques.
Getting help from a relative who is appreciated and respected by your parents can also be very helpful because they will get embarrassed during a confrontation like this.
Calm your mind.
I prefer to do aerobics whenever I feel negative, as it helps change my mood completely.
If you enjoy doing activities like listening to music or playing some games, then do them because they will definitely help you.
(For parents) How do you stop being a critical parent?
Stopping this parenting practice can be achieved by these simple 4 steps, such as:
- Admit that criticizing and controlling are bad for your child’s mental health.
- Active listening and constructive communication are essential.
- Think about what matters most: criticizing your children for every little detail or your future relationship with them 10 years from now.
- Gain knowledge from reputable parenting resources or specialists.
A word for those who suffer from their critical parents
I need you to remember that you are not perfect, and you do not have to be.
Stop feeling that if you miss or fail at something is the end of the road because it is not, so stop listening to all the critiques from your critical parents.
Every human being has his own life circumstances and ambitions because success is not a recipe or a set of steps you have to take to succeed at something you need.
All successful people agree on having realistic goals; being consistent and diligent is the only way to achieve one’s goals, so why not do that?
