We all know that parenting is a tough job, and we all expect our parents to be perfect and loving, but what if we have eggshell parents?
This parenting style was mentioned by Dr. Kim Sage.
In this style, she says that parents are unpredictable, and they may be fun, loving, and supportive, but also cruel, harsh, and unloving.
What we have noticed from her description is that when children have to deal with eggshell parents, they have to be very careful, like walking on an eggshell.
In this blog post, we will cover the following:
How do you deal with eggshell parenting?
Signs of eggshell parents
Kim Sage has mentioned many signs, like:
Unpredictable mood.
These parents are moody and will go up and down a lot, and you cannot expect them because they may shout or yell at a time, and later on the same day, they may laugh and be funny.
Punishing and controlling.
They will let you do great things and achievements, and you will feel happy because you see that they are okay with what you have done.
The moment you are in trouble or do something bad, they will be mad, and their punishment will not match the thing you have done.
Yelling and screaming.
In eggshell parenting, parents will yell, shame, and criticize you for silly things.
Eggshell parents will blame you for their behavior.
When these parents punish their kids severely, they blame the kids for their behavior and do not take responsibility for their bad punishing attitude by saying, “I would not act this way if you did not do that.”
They will make false accusations.
When parents cannot control you in something they want, they will just start spreading lies about you by saying that you are a thief, selfish, or a liar.
Eggshell parents do not care about your possessions.
You will be confused when you see these parents buy you nice things to reward you or to make you look better, and at the same time, they may take these things away from you later.
Instrumental parentification.
In eggshell parenting, parents will force their kids to do things that are not appropriate for their age, like doing all the chores alone or taking care of the house or family members at a young age.
Isolating you.
Parents will control everything in your life, just like helicopter parents, like choosing your friends or what activities you should or should not do.
Gaslighting.
They will let you feel that there is something wrong with your sanity by questioning yourself.
Eggshell parents will intentionally deny telling you things, like calling you a bad name or something like that.
Effects of eggshell parents
There are many poor effects, like:
Feeling disappointment
Kids are supposed to feel safe while dealing with their parents, but in this case, kids feel anxious and hesitant when around their parents because, at any moment, they may outburst.
Phobia of socializing with people
Because parents take too much control of their kids’ lives, they will be hesitant to make friendships because their parents may refuse them.
Depression
As children live in a bad atmosphere with eggshell parents, they will not live the happy childhood they are supposed to live like any other normal kid.
This effect can cause some serious problems.
You might become an eggshell parent yourself.
When you deal with your parents for a long time and you adapt to their behavior toward you, then you might be in a problem here because your unconscious mind will make you repeat the same behavior with your kids in the future.
How do you deal with eggshell parenting?
Seek professional help.
Going to therapy sessions is a great way to start treating yourself for all the poor effects that you can get from dealing with eggshell parents.
If you are still a student, then go to a school-based cognitive-behavioral therapy program to learn strategies to solve your problems and regulate your emotions.
Accept your parents as they are.
Acceptance will not help in solving the problem, but it will ease some of the stress you feel whenever you deal with your parents.
Setting boundaries
To take control of your life, you need to establish some rules while dealing with your parents. It will be hard at first because they will not care about these rules, but after some time, they may change when they see you as determined to enforce them.
Official relationship.
It is not good to avoid your parents, but keeping a small distance while dealing with them will help a little bit.
This distance will not let your parents have any sudden mood swings because there is no reason for them.
Why would someone develop this behavior?
I have not seen Dr. Kim Sage cover this aspect, so I will cover it from my own perspective.
- Sensitivity
Being sensitive is one of the reasons, and it is not someone’s fault to be like this because it could be in her genetics or due to past trauma.
- Mental disorder.
Eggshell parenting may be a result of some mental issues because these issues can cause mood swings for the parents.
Are eggshell parents toxic?
The answer depends on how many signs exist in the relationship between kids and parents because if there are just a few signs, we cannot say that the relationship is toxic.
In my opinion, I think that eggshell parents do not have all the signs above but just a part of them; they also have ups and downs, unlike toxic parents, so eventually you will have happy days and moments with your eggshell parents.