Written by: Barbra Smith / Last updated: Feb 25, 2024
Many new parents and teenagers think parenting is difficult because of its responsibilities and challenges.
They also believe that having no children is their only way to escape this challenge, but that is not necessarily true.
I thought that too when I saw my sister, who, unfortunately, yells and screams for no reason at her child all the time because she believes that her parenting style is the only way to raise disciplined kids.
Her style of parenting made me anxious and made me hesitate about having a boyfriend or even getting married.
In this article, I will tell you my story and how I overcame all these difficulties until I became a happy mom with two kids.
We will discuss:
Parenting is not for one individual.
Nowadays, parents are more stressed and less happy than non-parents because, in the past, the ideal arrangement for humans was to live together in groups or small villages.
In the village, mothers received assistance in the process of raising their young kids not only from the fathers but also from other family members.
This behavior is not exclusive to humans, but we can also witness it in other cooperative breeders such as ants, wolves, or meerkats.
Cooperative breeding has evolved in difficult environments where it is nearly impossible for a single individual to raise the young on their own.
The proof of this is when the pandemic happened and we all had to stay at home with our kids.
We used to outsource some of our responsibilities to others, like teachers at schools or babysitters, and then suddenly everything just stopped, and we all suffered. That is why parenting is hard.
That is why parenting, in general, should be a responsibility for several individuals.
Related: Be a good parent with six tips.
Why parenting is hard?
You set high expectations.
You might think your kids will follow your instructions and everything will go according to plan.
In fact, that could be true in some cases, but they will develop their own personalities and behaviors according to many factors other than your way of parenting.
These factors include the neighborhood they live in, their friends, and their engagement with other family members.
The challenge goes on.
If you already have one kid and have passed many challenges in parenting, then the second one will bring new challenges.
As you get older, you will not have the same energy or patience as you used to have with the first child.
This can lead to ignoring toxic behavior from the second kid. Check out this article to know how many children you should have.
You push yourself to your limit.
When you can’t plan a healthy lifestyle schedule and live your life just for your kids and family, you might be vulnerable to burnout.
Kids seek autonomy.
Parenting is difficult if you insist on doing everything for your kids when they have the ability to do it themselves.
It is recommended to let children do simple tasks on their own under your supervision.
Don’t feel guilty.
Some parents feel guilty when they have to work and leave their children for someone else.
Stop feeling this way because we all need a stable income, and you can avoid feeling guilty if you assign a specific time to bond with kids by doing activities.
Mistakes that make parenting difficult
Ignoring emotional triggers.
If you know your kid loves your smartphone and you do not allow it or ignore hiding it from her, then you might witness an instant tantrum.
Know more about your kid’s tantrums, and do not let her see what might trigger this tantrum.
Not knowing about a kid’s milestones.
Reading about milestones is essential to knowing how kids think and behave at each stage of their lives, and that can help you in your parenting journey.
Visit this website to learn more about milestones.
You always feel stressed.
“When will this nightmare pass?”
Parenting is hard when parents just wish to pass the difficult phase of parenthood and totally ignore the fact that their own lives and energy become less and less every day.
Try to live your life with all its challenges and avoid unnecessary stresses because we’ve all been there.
How can we make parenting easier and more enjoyable?
Authoritative parenting style.
This is a parenting style researched by the developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind.
This style is characterized by high responsiveness to the child’s needs and high demands from the parents toward their kids.
Stop being a strict parent.
Do not be one of the strict parents who force the kids to have a healthy life because kids cannot understand the concept of being healthy.
For example, do not forbid the kid from eating chocolate entirely while she can see that other children her age can eat chocolate freely.
Instead, allow her to eat chocolate every once in a while under your supervision, or she will eat it without telling you.
Stop being a disconnected parent.
You shouldn’t have this responsibility on your own; instead, share it with your life partner, your mom, or other family members.
Getting help and support is mandatory for the sake of your mental health.
Get back to your personal life.
Successful parents do not ignore their personal lives; try to hang out with your friends and share with them your parenting adventures.
According to Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, most of her therapies could be avoided if moms had a close friend to share their lives with.
Should I be a parent or not?
I really cannot give you a specific answer to this question because it depends on you, but I can tell you my story.
My sister is married and has a beautiful boy, and she lives close to my parents’ house.
She visited us several times a week, and when we saw her yell for silly reasons at her kid, we all blamed her for her bad parenting and advised her to stop before giving him a childhood trauma.
She did not listen to any of us, and her yelling gave me worries about the idea of getting married or even being a parent someday because I thought I would be like her someday.
Some day, I met my life partner and fell in love with him, but I still had worries about being a parent, and he also had the same worries.
Me and my life partner decided to delay having kids for one year; after that, we were able to be responsible and started to have a warm feeling about the need to have a kid because we loved each other insanely.
We both share the responsibility, and I do the exact opposite of my sister, and now I think I made the right choice.
To avoid being a full-time working mom, I started this blog to share with all the moms my modest information about parenting.
What do parents in online forums say about parenting?
Now we will share with you what many parents say on online parenting forums.
“Parenting is difficult because we are expected to work like we do not have children, and we raise them as if we do not have work.” – Sara.
“Technology is an issue; children are distracted by TVs and computers. Also, modern-day life is fast; we rush to work to get home to be with our children; it’s like our life is fast-forward.” – Kelly.
“Extended families are essential, but we are only focused on being as independent and separated as possible; this is so wrong and stressful.” – Thomas.
“It is a privilege that is not respected by others; discipline and guidance have been replaced with compromising and friendship, which is not parenting.” – Jack.
“Parents are stressed because they do not care enough about parenting or do not want to be parents at all.” – Abigail.
“It is not parenthood that makes us miserable; it is the lack of support.” – Mary.
“I keep telling my husband that parenting is hard and that I want to make new friends because I feel lonely; it is so important to socialize.” – Emma.
A word from parents’ diaries
Parenting is hard; no one can deny it, but consider parenting a long and interesting journey. If you are already a parent, then please do not accept any criticism from anyone but you.
Try to involve family members if possible to share your journey in parenting with you and assign some personal time and space to bond with your friends because reaching a burnout is something you do not want to feel.
