How often have you sat alone and thought about what you had done wrong?
Was it really your fault, or was it someone else?
What if I have a toxic mother?
We all have parents who want us to be the best ones in the world, but some of these parents are toxic in their parenting and they tend to do more harm than good.
And we must admit that we cannot change our moms, even though we can change anything else we own in our lives.
Dealing with a toxic mother is stressful because she fills the home with negative feelings and unnecessary stress for the family members.
So, today in this blog post, we are talking about the toxic mom:
What is a toxic mother?
A toxic mother was not born toxic, but she earned her toxicity because she may have had a bad childhood or she may have been traumatized by any unpleasant experience in her life.
A toxic mom will not feel her toxicity because she thinks it is okay to criticize or shout at her kids.
I need you to notice that if you have seen one of the toxic mom signs one time or twice, that does not mean she is a toxic person; it means that she has been through a hard day because toxicity is a continuous behavior over time.
Why do moms become toxic?
As we have said before, moms are not born toxic, but they can develop toxicity for many reasons, like:
Bad childhood.
Many mothers who have developed toxic behaviors may have been victims of awful parents who did not show enough love or passion for their kids.
So, when these mothers get used to these bad parenting practices, they may think it is common to do the same thing with their kids.
Ineffective parenting style.
A toxic mother may follow parenting styles like authoritarian style, helicopter style, and tiger parenting.
In all these previous styles, parents are like dictators who love to give orders, and their kids should obey them blindly without discussion.
Being in a bad relationship.
If a mom does not have a loving husband, then she may have a toxic relationship with him and will suffer from unnecessary stress.
This bad relationship can cause the mom to be abusive and aggressive toward her kids.
She cannot find a balance between work and her personal life.
Most mothers right now have full-time jobs, and they may not be able to find enough time for their kids, so they start to neglect and ignore their kids, which can lead to a weak relationship between kids and their moms.
She is not able to control her kids.
Many moms, especially new ones to parenting, are afraid of not being able to impose their control over their kids, so they may start yelling and shouting over silly things just to prove their strong personalities.
Toxic mom signs
There are many traits that anyone can spot easily, like:
She compares her children to other kids.
A mom will compare her kids to their cousins or other kids in their neighborhood when they do not make attractive achievements like these kids.
This unhealthy attitude will lead the kids to be jealous and hate the kids they are compared to for no real reason.
A toxic mother will not believe in your privacy.
Your mom may enter your room suddenly without knocking, or she may seek to know information about you behind your back by spying on your computer or phone.
She does that when she wants to know everything about you because she wants to keep her control over you.
A toxic mother will not care about your opinions.
Your mom may not show interest in your opinions when you two are discussing anything, which can make you feel not smart.
Also, your mom might say that you are still young and do not have the experience to share or express your opinion.
She may humiliate you in public.
Your toxic mom will never admit that you have grown up, and she will treat you as a kid anywhere and in front of anyone, so do not be surprised when she embarrasses and makes fun of you publicly just to laugh with your friends or her friends.
She will continuously blame you.
If by any chance you do anything wrong in front of your mom, like breaking something by mistake, then she will start blaming you, even if the situation was a total accident.
She will make decisions on your behalf.
One of the toxic mother signs is that she will make decisions about things that concern you without considering your opinion, and she may even force you to practice a sport you do not like or join a college that you hate.
A toxic mom will not show her love when her kids make mistakes.
One of the bad experiences you may have while dealing with a toxic mother is when you make a mistake and your mom will always yell, shout, and shame you for making that mistake.
A good mom, when her kid makes a mistake or shows unsuitable behavior, will teach the kid right from wrong and will tell the kid that she does not like his attitude but she still loves him no matter what.
A toxic mother will say something and do another thing.
A mom may tell her kids to do such and such, like not eating a lot of candy or going to sleep early, but their kids can easily see her not doing what she has just said.
This behavior from a mom will let the kids know that their mother is not credible with them.
She may prefer one of your siblings to you.
The worst sign of a toxic mother is that she may differentiate between you two by giving more love or attention to your sibling, which can result in unwanted jealousy between you two.
Effects of a toxic mother on her children
Every sign we have talked about will have a bad effect on kids, like:
Hating the success of other people
When kids are compared to others, they may hate them for no real reason, which can lead to unnecessary jealousy.
Having a bad relationship with other kids will later lead to making no friends at all.
Lack of self-confidence
When a mom shouts, yells, and humiliates her kids, then these kids will not be able to have self-confidence because they feel despised.
Mental disorder
Some kids will suffer from anxiety, depression, excessive anger, and being careless when dealing with a toxic mother.
Low academic results
Kids will not get high academic results in school, and they may skip attending classes because they do not feel comfortable bonding with their teachers and kids from the same school.
Trust issues
Children will not be able to trust other people because when they trusted their mother in the first place, she disappointed them and gave them nothing in return.
Vulnerable to abuses
When a mom keeps practicing her toxicity on her kids, then the kids will be afraid of facing any toxic behavior from other people and will not have the courage to defend themselves.
How to deal with a toxic mother?
We will share with you some helpful tips to deal with your mom:
Stop the toxicity.
Establishing clear rules while dealing with a toxic mother will help minimize the toxicity.
Try to explain how badly her words can affect you and that you want to make things right for both of you.
Choose your own fights.
Dealing with a toxic person in general will lead to many conflicts with each other, so listen to this advice carefully.
“It is okay to lose a battle, but do not lose the war.”
Going into unnecessary conflicts will drain you and have a great impact on your mental health, so ignore unnecessary disputes as much as you can.
Accept the reality of your mom.
Accepting your mom as she is will help you feel better because you want to change her attitude toward you, which cannot be done easily.
So, accepting can be helpful for your condition.
Seek help from an authority figure.
If you have a problem with your mom that you cannot solve, then calling someone to help you, like your uncle, aunt, or one of your grandparents, will help in dealing with the problem.
Go to therapy sessions if needed.
Seeking professional help will help you tremendously because these professionals have a certified degree and know how to deal with such situations.
Play a violent sport.
Yes, you have read it right. Playing a violent sport has many benefits for your health and body, but the important reason is that you will gain self-confidence, which can help you greatly while facing the toxicity of your mom.
A word for you
You must know that it is not your fault to have a toxic mom, but you should know that it will be your fault if you surrender to her toxicity.
Do not give up trying to live a happy and independent life away from your mother.
Remember that a normal relationship between a mother and her kids is filled with unconditional love and support, so I need you to give your future child the life you did not have.