Being a parent can be a little challenging if you are a new one and do not know about parenting styles or how to be a loving and responsible parent toward your kids.
Many parents are okay with following the same parenting approaches as their own parents because they turned out to be good individuals, but this is wrong because they have had different life circumstances than their kids nowadays.
Some other parents suffered from their own parents when they were young, so they will not repeat the same parenting style with their kids because, according to their point of view, this will not let their kids live the same sad life they had before, and this is wrong.
We should be flexible while dealing with our kids by learning all the parenting styles to become successful parents.
In this article, we will discuss the 4 types of parenting styles, other different types of parenting styles, and some interesting frequently asked questions in the following table of contents:
What books should I read to learn more about different parenting approaches?
Are there any other different parenting methods I should know about?
At what age should I start using a parenting style with my kids?
What if I do everything right but still my kid is not behaving well?
How do I succeed in parenting my kids?
What if my partner does not follow one of the 4 types of parenting styles like me?
Parenting styles definition
According to Diana Baumrind, parenting styles are about two main factors.
Demands
Responsiveness
These two factors simply show an indication of how much parents care about their kids and how they respond to their needs.
Baumrind has mentioned 4 types of parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved.
Authoritative parenting style
This is one of the parenting methods in which kids expect high responsiveness and demands from their parents.
In return, authoritative parents have high expectations of their children for becoming good individuals in the family and in society.
These parents also set rules in the home, and kids should listen to and obey these rules, but they do not force the kids to obey these rules; instead, they discuss and convince the kids of these rules.
“Authoritative parents are democratic.”
The parents will also let their children make decisions on their own and will encourage them to have a strong personality and self-independence.
The effects of this style on your children should be the following:
- Children will have self-confidence as they know how to make decisions.
- Kids will be accepted among their friends because they have a healthy relationship with their parents.
- They will have good mental health.
The characteristics of authoritative parents are:
- They do not use discipline to just punish the kids but to teach them right from wrong.
- Kids get unconditional love from their parents.
- They discuss and consider their kids’ opinions.
Authoritarian parenting style
This is one of the 4 types of parenting styles in which parents are like generals in the army, and the soldiers are their kids.
In this style, there is high demand but little to no responsiveness from the parents.
Authoritarian parents have high expectations of their kids to be clever and successful according to their standards.
These authoritarian parents have characteristics like:
- They do not take no for an answer.
- Parents will not let their children make decisions on their own.
- They punish their kids severely when they make mistakes, causing them childhood trauma.
Effects on children:
- Kids will not be able to make decisions on their own.
- The children will lack self-confidence and courage because they are oppressed by their parents.
- Their physical health will deteriorate because they are mentally unstable, which may cause obesity and other health problems.
Permissive parenting style
This is one of the parenting methods that has high responsiveness and low demandingness from the parents toward their kids.
In this style, parents set few or no rules for their kids, and if they break them, then they do not discipline their kids because they are forgiving.
Permissive parents also guarantee all their kids’ wishes, and they will care too much about their feelings and mental health.
Effects of permissive parenting on children:
- They will not be responsible for their actions.
- children will have low academic achievements.
- Kids will not like to be bound by school, college, or job regulations because they do not usually obey simple house rules.
Uninvolved parenting style
This style is known for its low responsiveness and low demand.
Parents do not expect anything from their kids, and they do not give them any care or support. They also do not set any rules at all for their kids, and as a result, they do not punish them.
Uninvolved parents are parents by mistake because they do not like to be responsible for their kids, and they will cause psychological harm to them as they do not show interest in their upbringing.
Effects of this style:
- They will be vulnerable to addiction.
- Kids will not be able to achieve high academic results.
- Children will not be able to socialize with other kids because they lack self-confidence.
- Kids may develop a hostile attitude toward other children.
What books should I read to learn more about different parenting approaches?
There are many books we can talk about, but I will just choose four books that I like:
Raising good humans
This book was written by Hunter Clarke-Fields, and it talks about everyday situations that parents can encounter with their kids, like convincing them to eat healthy food, waking up early for school, or dealing with tantrums in public areas.
It also covers how you should raise cooperative and confident kids by avoiding stressful techniques like yelling.
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen
The authors of this book are trying to explain how our kids think and why they spoil our mood by doing bad things like yelling in the car or throwing stuff on the floor.
They are also giving us valuable tips to make the relationship with our kids more powerful and to make them more cooperative and connected to their friends and teachers.
Simplicity Parenting
In this book, the two authors give you several tips on how to deal with the fast life we live right now and how this constantly changing life can affect our kids badly by making them anxious or being diagnosed with behavioral problems.
Hold on to your kids.
This book was written by two real experts who discuss the influence of the friendship of our kids with their peers and how it can affect family cohesion.
The authors of this book urge parents to reconnect with their kids and earn their love and loyalty.
Are there any other different parenting methods I should know about?
Yes, there are many other different parenting styles, but we will only discuss three types of parenting styles, and they are:
Helicopter parenting:
This style was first mentioned in the book “Between Parent and Teenager.” And it describes the relationship between the parents and their kids as a helicopter that sees every small detail in their lives.
The helicopter style resembles the authoritarian style because parents choose and decide everything for their kids without consulting them.
In this style, the parents will choose anything on behalf of their kids, like their friends, clothes, coaches in training, and even their careers.
Free-range parenting:
This style was first mentioned in the article “Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone.” In the New York sun
In this style, the author tells the story of how she let her child take the subway alone home at a young age and how she felt proud of this achievement.
The uninvolved style looks a bit like this one, but the free-range parents will support their kids with the necessary tools and training before letting them do things alone.
Tiger parenting:
This style was first mentioned in the book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom.” Written by Amy Chua, she describes how her parents treated her harshly to achieve their own dreams without considering her own dreams.
The main difference between this style and the helicopter style is that tiger parents push their kids toward certain goals, and they let them face all the hardships on their own.
Helicopter parents push their kids, but they interfere and solve any problems that may face them.
At what age should I start using one of the 4 types of parenting styles with my kids?
Many experts suggest that telling toddlers what to do and what not to do should begin after they complete their first year.
When toddlers are 12 months old, they start to understand your facial expression and the tone of your voice, and they can also understand simple rules like, Do not pull mommy’s hair, for example.
By the age of 18 months old, they can also start having tantrums, which can be annoying if you do not set simple rules with your toddlers about them.
What I need you to do is to not hesitate while teaching your toddlers simple rules by saying they are too young, because the earlier you implement your rules, the better the outcomes.
What if I do everything right but still my kid is not behaving well?
Many parents are perfect, and they use a healthy parenting style with their kids, but in some cases, the kids do not respond to their parents as they expect, and that could be a disappointment.
As a parent, I do not need you to feel down when your kids are not listening to you, but I do need you to analyze other things that may affect them badly, like:
Bad neighborhood
If you live in an area with a high crime rate, poor sanitation, or dilapidated buildings, then it is a clear sign that you need to move from this place to a more secure one for the sake of your kids before it is too late for them.
Bad friendships
If your kid is behaving well according to your expectations and suddenly develops irregular behavior, then you should look at new friendships in his life because the new friends can affect his behavior negatively.
A family member is not behaving well in front of the kids.
Not everyone around you will be good enough in front of your kids because the uncle, aunt, or other family member may show bad behavior, like saying inappropriate words.
This issue will be annoying if your kids love this person because kids imitate the one they love.
Unsupervised usage of modern technology
User-generated content like social media websites and online streaming apps is not good for our children because they may have inappropriate content that is not suitable for them.
As a parent, you need to manage what your children see on the internet and limit their browsing by applying parental control software if you have to.
How do I succeed in parenting my kids?
Do not worry if you cannot implement all the right rules with your kids, because parenting is like any other job you may have.
Parenting requires two main things: knowledge and experience.
You can get the knowledge from several resources, like:
- Reading parenting books, as we have discussed above.
- Participating in online parenting classes.
- Watching YouTube channels about parenting.
- Asking old parents for advice, like your own parents or trusted friends.
You will get your experience from practicing what you have learned so far, so it is just a matter of time until you get the hang of it.
What if my partner does not follow one of the 4 types of parenting styles like me?
It’s perfectly fine if you and your partner have different parenting styles. You both come from different families and life experiences and despite your differences, you’ve ended up together.
Smart couples take advantage of this opportunity because what may not be good in the father’s parenting style could be an advantage in the mother’s style.
For example, my father was permissive, and he gave me anything I wanted, but my mother was a mix of authoritarian and authoritative, which allowed her to set rules and boundaries about the things I wanted.
It’s essential to accept the fact that you and your partner have different parenting styles. Always remember to love and support your kids unconditionally.