Authoritarian parenting is a well-known parenting style that was developed by the developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind.
This style is known for being strict, with high expectations from the child and little to no responsiveness.
Parents give orders, expect control over the child, and expect total obedience with no discussions and literally nothing in return, just like a robot or a soldier and his commander.
The authoritarian parenting style is characterized by yelling, shaming, and punishing children for the mistakes they make despite their achievements in school, causing them childhood trauma.
In this blog post, we will be discussing the following:
Pros of the Authoritarian Parenting Style
This style is beneficial in some aspects, like:
- It makes your kids totally obedient to your rules, so you ensure their safety most of the time.
- Authoritarian parents set strict rules for showing good behavior and manners, so kids will follow the set rules and be self-disciplined.
- Children may achieve high academic results as their authoritarian parents will make sure they take studying seriously.
These advantages of this style are helpful for parents, but on the other hand, you harm your kids’ personalities. Let’s see how…
Cons of the Authoritarian Parenting Style
The cons of this style are like:
- In the authoritarian parenting style, parents are like gods or generals in the army; whatever they say must be done no matter what without discussion. In this style, the kid has no free will at all, so they will suffer from anxiety and depression.
- Kids will have weak personalities as they will not be able to make decisions on their own, and they will put their lives on hold waiting for their parents to make decisions on their behalf. Even when they get older, they will hesitate and feel insecure.
- Exaggerating in authoritarian parenting might create a rebellion against the parents because kids will grow hatred towards their parents, especially nowadays when most parents let their kids make their own choices, so your kids will feel jealous of other kids and might rebel against you.
- Kids raised by authoritarian parents will have emotional confusion as their parents have not paid enough attention to their emotions.
- Kids might start lying because they are afraid of their parents’ punishments when they break some rules.
real Authoritarian parenting examples from my own life
First example:
A friend of mine has a father who was a general in the army and was strict in his parenting style. By the nature of his job, the father followed rules blindly and used the authoritarian parenting style on my friend.
As my friend grew older and graduated, he got a decent job at a company. He just stayed there for two months and failed miserably. Do you want to know why? Ok, let’s see…
- My friend was timid, and the tone of his voice was low. Sometimes you have to get very close to hear him.
- He could not establish a good bond with any co-workers at his work, so he was not good socially.
- My friend didn’t take the job seriously; he attended for a day or two and then was absent for a couple of days because he was dependent on his father as a money source.
In my humble opinion, this friend will be a burden on his father’s shoulder for a while before he relies on himself.
Second example:
This example is about me personally.
I remember at Easter a couple of years ago, my uncle asked my parents to take me to the pool and spend the day with his family.
My father, on holidays, doesn’t like to do anything except sleep; we have never gone out on holidays. That’s why my uncle offered to take me with his children on that day.
My dad unfortunately refused, and I remember begging him to let me go and have some fun with my cousins, but the answer was still no without saying why, and I cried for the whole day, as I remember, and later I knew why he didn’t let me go.
The reason is that he was afraid of me drowning in a pool. That was silly, right?
After these two examples, you need to think clearly about what style suits you best.
Is it the authoritarian parenting style or another one?
Comparison between parenting styles
Baumrind has also identified other parenting styles, like:
It is the style in which your kid expects high responsiveness and demands; it also depends on persuasion and talking sense to your child.
It is a parenting style in which you become a friend with your kid, not his parent; you let him do what he wants whenever he wants, and maybe at some point you might lose control of him as he gets older.
Some cultures in Eastern countries have a saying: “Let the streets teach him.”
It is harsh, isn’t it? In this style, parents have no role in raising their children; they just let them go and do anything, and even if it is a bad thing, there are no consequences or punishments.
This is a brief definition of the four parenting styles Baumrind has identified.
There are also other sub-types of parenting styles, like:
Parents in this style will supervise and decide everything in their kids’ lives.
Parents in this style give their children the freedom to gain new experiences without support or supervision.
Like a helicopter hovering over their heads, parents with this approach will pay great attention to their children’s experiences.
What parenting style should I use?
Of course, the authoritative parenting style is the best option you should use, but can you really stick to one parenting style only?
It is easy to read some articles about different parenting styles, and it’s easier to choose the best style. This is theoretically correct.
But you should consider that parents are vulnerable to stresses, ups, and downs, and they may act differently depending on their mood; they might be authoritarian, authoritative, or permissive parents.
Anyway, you have to make sure to be as good as possible; sometimes you will succeed in being authoritative, sometimes you will fail and just lose your temper and start shouting, but once you calm down, you have to apologize for your behavior, and in that way, you will be a great parent and a great idol.
You have to get rid of the unconscious bias you have from your childhood. Check out the following example:
Most of us were born to authoritarian parents when we were kids, and we suffered from it.
If you aren’t smart enough, you might follow the same path as your parents did, thinking that it was the right way to grow up as a kid because your parents chose it and you turned out to be a good person.
But let me tell you that your family circumstances and the time were completely different from our time today, so you might fail easily if you do not get the necessary knowledge about raising your kids.
In conclusion
Authoritarian parenting is not a healthy style you need to follow; sometimes you must explain your actions and your decisions to your kids.
Sometimes you don’t have the luxury to explain yourself, so if you ever order your kids to follow you blindly in some situation without explaining why, then you have to explain why you did it that way later until you convince your kids.
Remember to keep your temper because little kids are like recorders; they will recall your good and bad actions.