Child led parenting is one of many approaches that parents use while raising their kids.
When you use this approach, you may have thoughts regarding how much freedom is okay for kids and how to really know whether this freedom is suitable for them or not.
In our article, we are going to help you learn more about child led parenting and how to use it safely according to your kids’ behavior.
How many parents use this approach?
How can you use child led parenting with your kids safely?
Positive effects of this approach.
Is it guaranteed to have good children when using a child led parenting approach?
What is child led parenting?
It is an approach in which parents let children have their own interests and goals without too much interference from them.
This philosophy also respects the kids’ needs like autonomy, self-reliance, or freedom of speech with the parents.
From this perspective, we, the parents, provide guidance and a secure environment to fulfill the primary goal of parenting, which is having good individuals in our society.
How many parents use this approach?
If we categorize parents according to the four parenting styles of Diana Baumrind, we can find that three out of four styles use this approach.
But hold on.
The three parenting styles are authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved.
Authoritative parents will set rules and let their kids lead their own lives under the parents’ supervision, but when kids break the rules deliberately, there will be discipline.
Permissive parents set few or no rules and let the kids be in charge, but when kids break the rules, they forgive them or let them go with no consequences.
Uninvolved parents do not care about their children at all; they do not care about rules or discipline, and they let them do whatever they want.
So, the key difference between the authoritative approach and the other two styles is that not all parents behave the same way toward their kids, and only one parenting style can use this approach effectively.
According to Parenting for Brain around 49% of American parents are authoritative.
How can you use child led parenting with your kids safely?
Make them feel in control.
It is essential to let your kids feel in control when deciding anything, like when to sleep, for example.
You can do this simply by giving your kid the only allowed choices, such as:
When should we sleep today, 9 p.m. or 10 p.m.?
It is a win-win situation because you plan to make your kids sleep at 10 p.m., and they will naturally choose to sleep late.
Let kids set rules under your supervision.
Giving your kid a paper and letting her write down the rules she is okay with and how she wants to be disciplined when she breaks them is a good technique in child led parenting.
Remember to talk to each other when you check the paper and modify what needs to be modified.
Let them do things with their own style.
When you see your kids cooperating while doing something in a new way, like playing football with their hands, do not rush to teach them the right way because they are trying to be creative.
Talk with each other.
Treat your kids as adults by talking to them and listening to their thoughts or solutions to some problems, even if they are silly.
Doing that will help the kids enhance their critical thinking.
Positive effects of child-led parenting
Kids learn self-confidence.
This approach will help your children to be confident in their abilities when they try new things for the first time, and you will be able to depend on them to do simple tasks from a young age.
They are able to estimate the situation.
As your kids gain new experiences every day, they will be able to identify risks and will be cautious when there is something wrong in the house, so they will call you for help or their older sibling.
Child-led parenting will make them creative.
If you let kids do things in their own way under your supervision for their safety, then they will be able to think out of the box when they have to deal with new things.
Cons of child led parenting.
Not all parents like kids to be in control.
Parents who have no previous experience in parenting or were born to strict parents will not feel comfortable letting their kids be in control.
In this case, parents have to expand their knowledge by reading more about parenting.
Your kids will be your friends.
When kids feel free to do things on their own, they may remove the boundaries between them and their parents, which is not so good.
You need to keep your authority figure as a parent so that your kids keep respecting you.
Some other parents may criticize you.
As we have said, only 50% of parents can use this approach safely and efficiently, so you may get criticism from other parents who do not follow the same parenting style about how you treat your kids.
Ignoring discipline will have unwanted effects.
If you ignore disciplining your kids when they break some rules or when they feel overconfident, then your kids will try to do what they only love and want, regardless of your rules.
Is it guaranteed to have good children when using a child led parenting approach?
Unfortunately, not all kids act in the same way, even if you use an authoritative style, because there are many factors that can impact our children, like:
A kid may have a toxic friend.
Friends can affect our kids positively or negatively.
It would be a misfortune if one of your kids befriends a toxic friend because this kind of friendship will teach your kid unwanted traits like rebelling, disrespecting others, or becoming arrogant.
Some kids become reckless.
Some children like to break the rules set by their parents because they are curious about the things they are not allowed to do.
In this case, some parents succeed in getting back control of their kids and then continue to use the child led parenting approach, but some other parents fail at setting boundaries, so they become controlling parents.
There is no point in using this approach with autistic children.
It is not recommended at all to use this approach with children who have autism because they need you to guide them consistently because their condition does not allow them to make decisions on their own.
Which styles of parenting use this approach?
There are two parenting styles that foster this approach: authoritative parenting and free-range parenting.
The authoritative style is about fulfilling the child’s needs while keeping boundaries and rules across the house. In return, parents have high expectations of their children, like achieving high scores in exams.
Free-range parenting is a sub-type of parenting that is characterized by giving children the freedom to gain experience through trying new things only when their parents supervise them and make sure they are confident.
This style was mentioned in an article called “Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone,” written by Leonore Skenazy.
A word for you
Some new parents think that giving kids the lead is not good because they do not want to give in to all their children’s needs.
Some other parents think that letting the kids decide on their own may endanger them because they are not yet ready to make decisions.
So, we advise you to find the balance between providing guidance and giving kids the space they need to learn and grow independently.
