Helicopter parenting is one of the parenting styles that parents tend to follow; it is a type in which parents tend to pay close attention to their kids’ experiences, behavior, moves, school activities, problems, and even who is good or not good enough to be a friend for their child.
This parenting style was named after a helicopter when it was first mentioned in Dr.Ginott’s book “Between Parent and Teenager”, In this book, normal teenagers described how their parents acted like a helicopter who oversaw every detail in their lives.
Helicopter parents work tirelessly to create an easy life for their children where failure does not exist. They will choose what sport their children should practice and which activities are suitable for them, and they will interfere with any problem that might face their kids and solve it immediately without letting them even think about how to solve their own problems.
In this article, we will discuss the following:
Why do parents become helicopter parents?
The short answer is: Loss of confidence in our children.
Watch this video to better understand:
Normally, new parents with no actual or previous experience will try to be perfect; it is like someone having his first job, so he will give his best effort to prove himself and succeed.
Maybe some girl had not-so-good childhood memories and disappointments, so when she becomes a mom, she will try to be perfect with her kids so that they don’t have to live through bad memories like she did.
More reasons why parents develop more signs of helicopter parenting:
- Fear of life’s disappointments.
A helicopter parent will be afraid of her child failing, like getting a low score in some exam or getting rejected from a job interview.
- Giving kids a happy childhood
As mentioned before, parents with little experience in parenting will overreact to create a perfect life for their kids because helicopter parents think that micromanaging their kids’ lives is going to help them sort things out. On the contrary, this attitude will teach their children to become more dependent on them.
- Social pressure from society
When parents are friends with other parents who follow the helicopter parenting style, they will feel it’s normal to do the same and to take control over anything in their children’s lives like their peers.
- Create happy memories for their children.
Some parents had a bad childhood because their parents were not good enough or didn’t have enough money, and because of that, these parents missed a lot of things in their childhood. To make things right, these parents will literally do anything to make their kids’ lives more than perfect.
- Helicopter parents exaggerate when worrying about their kids’ safety.
Parents will not allow their kids to try new childhood activities in their childhood, like riding a bike, because they are afraid of injuries that may or may not happen.
This behavior will create an unhappy childhood for the kids because they will miss a lot of fun.
The king of pop, Michael Jackson, had a rough childhood, so when he became the king of pop, he built Neverland Ranch, After that, he built a small amusement park in it to relive his childhood like normal kids, and this is one of the helicopter parenting examples in our real lives.
Helicopter parenting examples
At some point in our lives, we see parents buy toys for their little ones; after that, they immediately start teaching their kids how to use and play with the toys without letting them have any chance to figure out how to use the toy, and if they try to use the toy differently, then the parents will re-instruct their kids about how to use the toy.
And that, my dear, kills innovation.
In school life, helicopter parents will make sure to get their kids into a well-known school to guarantee a certain level of education; they will choose a sport with a certain coach; they will choose their kids’ best friends; and they will not take their kids’ choices into consideration because helicopter parents think that their kids are not mature enough to make decisions.
Helicopter parents do not stop this attitude at all because when their kids get older, they will choose the suitable university and career for them from their point of view, even if their kid is not convinced by that career, and they will justify their actions by saying that they have more life experience.
So, to sum up, the characteristics of helicopter parents:
- They will manage the smallest thing in their kids’ lives.
- They will work tirelessly to guarantee a perfect childhood for their kids.
- They will ask their kids’ to be superior students.
Helicopter parenting effects
Parents like to use this parenting style unconsciously to make their kids happy and to protect them from any life disappointment, but using this style excessively will lead to several changes in their kids’ characteristics, both positively and negatively.
Some positive signs of helicopter parenting:
- Kids will be more disciplined.
- They may have good school results.
- They will be in good shape if they keep practicing a sport.
- In university, their kids might have a high chance of being academically excellent.
- Kids will not suffer from bullying because their parents will protect them no matter what.
Negatives of the helicopter parenting style:
- Kids might suffer from anxiety and hesitation as they do not have much freedom to make a choice.
- Kids will not develop some skills, like critical thinking, because they used to be dependent on their parents to make decisions on their behalf.
- Kids will suffer from low self-confidence as they don’t have real-life experience.
- Kids will not be able to have simple or mature conversations or ask questions to strangers, and they will be timid.
- The relationship between helicopter parents and their kids might be affected because parents will not believe in their choices, and smart parents can evade this consequence by giving some freedom to their kids.
- Kids will learn to be perfect, and that will make them refuse anything with defects because they will always seek perfection, which is not ideal in our lives.
A better approach for developing a healthy helicopter parenting style
Helicopter parenting is not an awful style, but it is not good enough to use alone. Smart parents should always know how to give some freedom to their children.
Good parents will let their kids make small decisions and have simple conversations in order to gain self-confidence.
Experienced parents will advise their kids when they get low grades or fail in some task so they can gain real-life experience from their failures.
To make things right, you need to admit that this style has defects, and you need to start reading about different types of parenting styles or consult a specialist. You also need to stop directing your kids and start letting them live their lives the way they want, with their own free will.
How should I stop the signs of helicopter parenting style?
The most important thing that can help you stop using the helicopter parenting style is that you should be convinced of the negative effects that your kids can have.
To stop this style, you should do the following:
- Let your kids make their own choices.
Allowing your children to freely choose between different choices is an effective technique, but note that you have to help and advise them on the right thing.
- Do not fight their battles.
If your kids are afraid of something, then encouraging them to face their fears is crucial.
A sentence from the Batman Begins movie does help me a lot.
“Why do we fall, sir? So that we can pick ourselves up”
Other types of parenting styles
There are four main parenting styles that were originally founded by Diana Baumrind, and they are:
In this parenting style, kids expect high responsiveness and demand from their parents; they also expect their parents to show love and support unconditionally.
This parenting style is distinguished by little responsiveness and high expectations from the children; parents nearly control all the child’s decisions, like the helicopter style.
This style is characterized by high responsiveness and low demands toward the kids. One can notice this style in rich families because rich parents will never say no to their kids’ needs.
This style is known for low responsiveness and low demand; parents in this style do not care about their kids at all.
There are also other sub-types of parenting styles, like:
- Free-range parents:
In this style, parents love and protect their kids, but they have the courage to let their kids try new things only after they supervise them and make sure they will be safe. Like taking the bus home alone.
- Tiger parents:
This style is known for harsh parents who force their kids to study hard and achieve high academic results so that they can make their parents’ dreams come true, even if they do not like these dreams.
Conclusion
Parenting is a crucial task, and we all must take it seriously. Having the right knowledge is the key to developing a good parenting style that suits our lifestyle.
Being involved in our kids’ lives is not bad as long as we support them and let them make their own choices.